"Why Can't I Be Me? Around You" - review

A harrowing and tremendous journey of self

Les Blank is a legendary name in documentary film, and his son Harrod has capably carried his father's mantle forward with superlative success.  Harrod's latest film, "Why Can't I Be Me? Around You" proudly continues the family tradition of finding fascinating subjects and bringing their stories to a wider audience.  Few people will know who Rusty Tidenberg is, but open-minded viewers who are curious about the myriad and complex lives being quietly led by so many intrepid souls will find Rusty's story utterly beguiling.

At 53, Rusty Tidenberg came out of the closet and began to transition.  He got breast implants and started to openly wear women's clothes.  This critical decision threw his life into chaos, and Harrod's film examines Rusty's tumultuous existence with an intimacy that is deeply moving and consistently inspiring.  Most of Rusty's family and friends initially abandon her, and despite being a brilliant mechanic, Rusty barely gets by financially while also valiantly striving to be true to her new, more complete self.  She knows who she is, but will that be enough?

At first, seeing a masculine face, rippling biceps and calloused hands complimented by red lipstick, blue glitter eyeshadow and ample cleavage can be a shock, but as the film unfolds, these seemingly contradictory things begin to mesh as Rusty's being is further revealed.  She has found happiness in herself, but Rusty's trials continue as most people find it difficult to accept her, especially after having known Rusty for so many years prior to her change in appearance.  As neither man nor woman, Rusty's mental mettle is sorely tested by staking a claim upon a new sexual space with only herself to defend it.  The isolation and loneliness are terrifying.

Even though the story repeatedly jumps forward and backward in time, it works beautifully.  Editor Sjoerd Dijk has done a masterful job piecing together many bits and pieces of Rusty's life to help create a film that could easily come off as a chaotic mess with no cohesion or focus.  However, The stream of consciousness flow from scene to scene feels utterly natural, and Rusty is a captivating subject.  Her emotional vulnerability is matched by her psychological strength, and the film is a mesmerizing, heartbreaking and thrilling chronicle of one person's Herculean struggle to be themselves.