"The Last Jedi" review

The Last Straw

That's it.  I'm done.  "The Force Awakens" was a stumbling but earnest effort to recreate a Star Wars movie that felt right.  The look and the mood and the music in the first act perfectly captured the serious but fun atmosphere of the original Star Wars trilogy, and yet the new characters were fresh and different and interesting.  Then the old familiar faces began to appear and the snappy pacing stalled under the increasing weight of the reverence for Episode IV before the story finally sunk into a bog of nostalgia.

Both of you were lovely here. WTH happened?

While I could understand the desire to return to familiar territory, I didn't want a straight up remake of the first Star Wars film, and this is why I was looking forward to "Rogue One", as it seemed poised to offer director Gareth Edwards the chance to really break free from a lot of burdensome lore and expand the Star Wars universe.  He did, but the needlessly complex plot resulted in a confusing and boring heist movie with no emotional stakes due to the cardboard-thin characterizations.

No one really cares if ALL of you die.  Isn't that a problem?

I'd only seen Rian Johnson's first film "Brick", and I recall it fondly even though the contradictory combo of a neo-noir story set in a contemporary high school felt too disjointed to really gel despite the excellent mood and cinematography.  Still, I was hoping that his approach to "The Last Jedi" would answer some burning questions posed by "The Force Awakens", and that these answers, while satisfying, would not only help us to better understand the new characters, but deepen the mythology of this new story, and get us excited for its conclusion in Episode IX.

Emo is the new villainy?  I can almost buy that.  So scary!  So. . .so.

Rian Johnson failed.  Now, whether this is due to Disney demanding certain story or character elements or whether Rian understands Star Wars as well as George Lucas is beyond my ken.  All I can say is that "The Last Jedi" is the last Star Wars film that I will see in the theater.  Star Wars is no longer a franchise about myth, adventure and great heroes.  It's solely a product, and a recycled one at that.  A means to a merchandising end.  That galaxy far, far away is now just an Amazon one-click away.

Luke upon realizing that they were going to make him milk a land seal with massive breasticles.

I cannot go into all the details of why this film is a failure on nearly every level that is possible for a film of its kind, but its most prominent transgression is that it doesn't respect its origins.  It doesn't matter if the plot or the character's motivations make sense anymore.  I now understand why the trailers hammered the line from Kylo Ren about destroying your past because it's the only way to become who you truly are, as that's what Rian is trying to do with this latest film.  He's trying to "reset" audience expectations.

I'm Mary Poppins, y'all!

But you know what?  Those who forget the past are doomed to relive it, and so this has now become the doom of every Star Wars fan from this point forward.  Forget all that great storytelling and character development.  Forget all the intense emotional moments that were built up across multiple films culminating in a final battle between two characters which was resolved in the most heart-breakingly bittersweet way.  Forget all that.  Coherent narrative is no longer necessary.

FEED ME, FANBOY!

We've got Porgs and the giant racing rabbit horses and sea cows with massive lactating teats. Don't forget the gag shot of the close-up on the steam irons pressing on First Order uniforms that looked like a spaceship landing!  That was funny, right? We can make meta jokes and mock this franchise now, right?  No.  Not if you want your audience to take your film seriously.  Yet under the Disney yoke, Star Wars has now become a punch line.  Kyle Smith at the National Review nailed the fallacy in this wanna-be Edgelord thinking: "Get a cheap laugh poking fun at the mythology and its power won’t be there when you need it."

Mourning the imminent demise of the franchise.  Luke really could see the future!

Star Wars is dead.  Long live Star Wars.